motherhood

nursing strike diaries

nursing strike diaries

Teething has hit us hard over here the past few days. Crying. All day. Wanting to be held. Then wanting to be put down. Then crying because I put her down. I'm exhausted, as I'm sure she is too. I can't imagine the pain she's in.  

Last night she woke up more than usual, and wouldn't nurse back to sleep like she normally does. Only once or twice I was able to get her to nurse, all the other times she woke up she just needed to be pat back to sleep or if that didn't work I let her lay there and she eventually fell back asleep. But she was obviously uncomfortable and in pain.  

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Mom Style | Postpartum Confessions

Mom Style | Postpartum Confessions

I gained 37 pounds during pregnancy. Which, I understand, is not a ton, but it was 37 pounds that my body was not used to. I felt huge. I felt tired. I felt slow. And most of all, I felt ugly. And then the stretch marks came because of that extra weight (plus my uterus apparently is suuuuper forward. I was huge. And had a 6lb baby), and I was devastated. All over my belly, my inner thighs, hips, boobs, you name it. I honestly thought I would never be happy with my body ever again. I looked up pictures online of women's bellies with stretch marks postpartum and cried thinking of what mine would look like. Then I looked up pictures of women with stretch marks that had six packs and felt even more discouraged because I have too much of a sweet tooth to ever look like that. So I thought my bikini wearing days were over.

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Mom Style | Pink Blush

Saturday morning loungin' with some watermelon water that tasted of summer (that Ever desperately wanted to try). 

Another thing that has me so ready for summer is this dress from Pink Blush. Pink Blush is an online women's boutique. They're known for their maternity wear, but they have non maternity items too, and this dress happens to double as both. It's also nursing friendly, despite the high neck, because the arm holes are stretchy enough to pull open for easy access. 

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Ever was so fascinated by all the plant life. Β 

Ever was so fascinated by all the plant life. Β 

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She kept screaming at the plant. Β 

She kept screaming at the plant. Β 

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Bring on the summer!  

I never want to forget

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these pictures don't have the best lighting, they were taken with a self timer on my husband's camera that happened to be laying next to me, and they aren't staged whatsoever.

but these are the simple moments that collect dust in our busy minds, that pile and pile up like old photos in a shoebox on a shelf. these are the fleeting moments that pass by unnoticed until they make up a life.

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this evening I nursed Ever as she was still dreaming (of milk, apparently, because I was holding her as she was looking for it) in her last nap of the day. she woke up when we finished nursing and was acting fussy, falling in and out of sleep as I burped her. I tried to entertain her for a while and eventually decided to nurse her again when she wasn't havin' it anymore.

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she finished, and we didn't move. we just lay there, perfectly content staring deeply into each other's eyes. studying each other's faces as if we were seeing something new. as if we were the only souls in the world. this girl who is usually flailing her arms and legs like a madwoman, was completely still.

I pat her back and tickled it a little as she continued to gaze at her mama. and I was tempted to grab my phone to take a picture of her cute face, so I would never forget the way she was looking at me. but no photo could capture the beauty and the stillness and the bond and the love in that moment. sometimes I have to remind myself to just be there, not obsessively trying to document everything.

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after a few minutes, her blinks got longer and her eyelids heavier, and as we lay there staring at each other, she fell asleep. something in my eyes told her she was safe.

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I took these pictures after she fell asleep, because even though a photo couldn't capture any of it, I never want to forget. I don't want this one to be another photo in a shoebox on a shelf.