Ever Joy Suarez
Born December 19, 2015 at 2:31am
6lbs 9oz and 19.5in
becoming a mother has been amazing, to say the least. I feel like I'm right in my element. when Ever was first born people were amazed at how confident and natural I looked carrying her. I was amazed too, I'd never felt so comfortable right off the bat with any baby. a sign that she was mine, all mine.
my whole life I've searched for my identity. I found it first and foremost in Christ, and I've found it once again in motherhood. I always knew in my heart that's what I longed to be, but now with this little life in my hands I know this is who I'm supposed to be, this is who I was created to be. I feel like I'm walking the path purposed for me. every step sure and grounded, as if God carved my footprints in the pavement ahead of time. she was always meant to be mine.
and though I feel like this was my calling, I am having a hard time figuring out who it is that I am now. it's like the person I was prior to this is completely gone and I'm starting from the beginning in a completely new life. I knew everything would be different. but I didn't anticipate that I would be different and that I would have to figure out all the ins and outs of who this new person is.
the craziest thing to me is that this child that was once inside of me, part of my body, a piece of me, connected to me and sustained by me through my blood and oxygen, is now outside of me, no longer a part of me but her own little person, sustained now by her own blood and oxygen. with her own purpose in this world. I never understood why cutting the cord was such a big deal, but thinking about it now, the fact that we were literally connected to each other, my husband cutting the cord should have probably been a more emotional and sentimental thing. it makes my heart ache a little bit to think that we are no longer connected. there's nothing holding her to me. she's not safe inside me any longer. she's no longer sheltered from the trials life brings. she has the ability to make her own decisions and mistakes. it's a hard thing to let go of. it's a hard thing to trust that God loves her immensely more than I ever could, and that He is complete control of her life. there's a reason we had to be separated. the world needs Ever Joy in it, not inside me. and although we were separated when the cord was cut, that connection and bond will never be broken, I'll always be her mama and she'll always be my baby.
so here's to one month of Ever Joy!
loves + hates
Ever loves: to eat. a lot. lullabies in spanish. getting her diaper changed (she's like the princess and the pea when it comes to diapers). to be held on mama's chest. her wubbanub pacifier, mr.giraffe. to be immersed in warm water. baby-wearing. power naps. and to be awake, usually walking around, absorbing the world around her by staring at everything.
Ever hates: her car seat. sleeping. being swaddled after a few minutes. having her face wiped. daddy's scruffy face. and hiccups.
Swaddle: Little Unicorn
bows: Little Prickly Pear