the things I don't want to forget

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last night as she was laying contently on the bed with me, we looked deep into each other's eyes and I began to sing her the song I sang her throughout my pregnancy, and I cried as I was reminded of the first time I sang it to her after she was born. laying in that hospital bed, my husband sleeping on the couch across the room, lights dimmed, sometime in the morning before the sun had risen, knowing I should get some sleep but wide awake running off adrenaline and endorphins. I held my brand new sleeping baby girl in my arms. it was all so surreal. and as I began to sing that same song.."oh, do you know, we belong together..", she opened wide those big brown eyes and looked up at her mama and gave me a look as if to say, "it was you all along." and it was her all along. these are the things I don't want to forget.

i don't ever want to forget the way her hair gets so poofy after it's washed, just like mine. The way she's all smiles in the morning after her diaper change. The way she watches in awe when her daddy and I kiss in front of her. Her high pitched inhaling squeal when she's happy. Her exaggerated frowny face. The way she sucked on her fingers right out of the womb, forgot about them for a month, then remembered they were there again. How she loves songs in Spanish. Her long blinks when she's smiling. The way her big brown eyes stare straight into your soul. 

motherhood is messy, heartbreaking, and just plain hard. but someday I'll look back on all the pictures I took, so blessed knowing I was the one chosen to be her mama. I got to be part of all her firsts, her lasts, and in betweens. God has such a beautiful purpose for this little soul, and I get to be a part of that.

Β